5 Ways Toddlers Are Like Zombies

I was sitting at home the other day when a thought came to me.

Toddlers are like zombies!

Now I am not a zombie expert by any means. I don't enjoy zombie movies and have only watched half of the first episode of The Walking Dead.  I am not well read about the Zombie Apocalypse, or how to survive in case it actually occurs.  Michael Jackson's Thriller video is about the extent of my knowledge about zombies.

However, I have met my son.  I like to think I am an expert on him.  In the short 14 months that I have known this child, I have come to notice some similarities between him and (what I know about) zombies.

1. Their overall appearance

Their hair appears often disheveled.  It is often matted with remnants of their last meal (whether it was applesauce or human brains).

They seem to be missing teeth, and they are sometime located in random places throughout their mouth.  What few teeth they do have are razor sharp!

Their clothing is often dirty and sometimes tattered.  It appears to be either too small or too large most of the time.  Toddlers and babies have a knack for never actually seeming to fit into their clothing.  Overnight it somehow goes from being too large to too small in the blink of an eye! Perhaps they are in cahoots with the clothing industry.

2. The walk

Zombies and toddlers who are just starting to walk have the same, Frankensteinesque walk.  It appears they haven't learned what knees are for, and walk without bending their knees.  This straight-legged walk has them traveling very wobbly, from side to side.  They often have their arms outstretched to let you know that they are in fact coming for you.  Often, there is no where to hide.  Once a zombie or toddler starts teetering towards you, they usually won't stop until you are caught.  There is no use trying to hide.  They will find you!

3. Humans are delicious

After my child was recently gnawed on three times in one week at daycare, I realized this similarity between toddlers and zombies.  The main difference is that zombies bite for nourishment and to reproduce, while toddlers bite...well I have no idea why.  It is typically a phase (a very painful one) that they grow out of.  Unless they later become a zombie.

4. The talk

Both zombies and toddlers rattle off a serious of unidentifiable gibberish.  The string of grunts, cries and screams seem to mean something to them, but we are incapable of translating this into our own dialect.  Perhaps if todders are around during the Zombie Apocalypse, the two groups will in fact be able to communicate with each other and form some sort of peace treaty.

5. You better be prepared

Whether it is the Zombie Apocalypse or toddler playdate, you better come well prepared, or be prepared to face your doom!  As I said, I am not knowledgeable of all things zombie, but here is a list of 25 Things You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.  Seems helpful.  Here is a list of 5 Things You Need to Survive a Toddler.  I feel that there should be more, but that will get you through the first 30 minutes or so.